Tarantula (1955)

A spider escapes from an isolated desert laboratory experimenting in giantism and grows to tremendous size as it wreaks havoc on the local inhabitants.

Firstly....I'm not scared of Spiders.  I smash them with my shoe.  You can't do that with this big ass spider. Secondly....Not many women from the 50's can make my jaw drop.  This Mara Corday did just that. She's a fetching woman to say the least.  Now being the perverted male that I am, I will probably try and hunt down her Playboy from October of 1958.  On to the review.....

Mara Corday.....fuck yeah.

 Tarantula is a 1955 science fiction film directed by Jack Arnold, and starring Leo G. Carroll, John Agar, and Mara Corday and it's damn good.  Dr. Gerald Deemer is experimenting with growth hormones to help with the storage of food that's sure to come with the growing population. He's testing on animals and things get out of hand when a tarantula escapes after having been injected with the serum.  There were quite a few giant insect movies in the 50's and this is probably the best of them.  The special effects were actually quite good for their day as a live tarantula was used and air jets did the trick to get him to move in whatever direction they needed.  There's also a scene that occurs in the lab and the enlarged animals look natural and normal.  You actually find yourself saying, "Fuck, that's a big ass guinea pig."

Run....that's not Charlotte. 

The Tarantula does terrorize everybody but let's be realistic...it has no shot living in a movie in which Clint Eastwood is leading the jet fighters into battle.  Clint begins his early movie career kicking ass right away.  "Dump em' all", says Clint.  Make my day punk ass spider.

You feel lucky punk....well, do you?

If you're a fan of 50's movies and classic sci-fi then this is right up your alley.  This is no "so-bad-its-good" movie here.  This is a legit decent popcorn fun film for a rainy afternoon.  If you have kids it's a great way to introduce them to giant monster movies.

Kevin Booker

Trivia:
Prof Deemer predicts that by the year 2000 the human population will be 3.6 billion in fact it was almost double that.

Quotes:

Dr. Matt Hastings: But what if circumstances magnified one of them in size and strength, took it out of its primitive world, and turned it loose in ours?
Prof. Townsend: Then expect something that's fiercer, more cruel and deadly than anything that ever walked on earth!

Dr. Matt Hastings: I may be just a country doctor, but I know what I know. 

Stephanie 'Steve' Clayton: Science or no science, a girl's got to get her hair done.

Bubba Ho-Tep (2002)

If an ancient Egyptian mummy began to menace a retirement home in East Texas, what would he be called?   Why, Bubba Ho-Tep of course!  And who better to defeat them than JFK and the King of Rock and Roll?  This epic battle is the subject of Bubba Ho-Tep, a delightful horror-comedy from director Don Coscarelli, starring Bruce Campbell and Ossie Davis.  A film that knows when (and when not) to take itself seriously, Bubba Ho-Tep manages to carefully explore its main character, offer some very good laughs, and still have some poignant things to say.  It's a charming little film that, while not inspiring chills, leaves the viewer with a chuckle and a smile.

In the lonely and nearly forgotten Shady Rest retirement home in Mud Creek Texas, an elderly Elvis Presley (Bruce Campbell) is living his last days as Sebastian Huff, an Elvis impersonator.  His only friend is a man named Jack (Ossie Davis) who believes that he is actually John F. Kennedy.  As the days drone tediously on, the residents begin dying at an alarming rate.  Jack discovers that an ancient mummy has appeared in Mud Creek and is sucking the souls from the residents.  Together, The King and the 35th President unite to defeat an ancient terror.

There are two aspects of this film’s script that make it special.  The first and more surprising is that, for a film that has such a numerous and  irreverent take on classic mummy stories, Ho-Tep is incredibly insightful about its characters.  A great deal of time is spent on Elvis’s regrets, and how the elderly are tossed aside and forgotten.  Early in the film, Elvis’s roommate dies, and when his daughter comes to collect his effects, she briefly looks at them and then throws them away (including her father’s Purple Heart).  We also hear Elvis wondering if his wife and daughter would visit him if they knew he were still alive.  Most of his time is spent sleeping, being patronized by the rest home staff, or contemplating the “growth on [his] pecker.”  At one point, The King wearily concludes “Is there finally and really anything to life other than food, s**t and sex?”  In another sad moment, he realizes that, for the elderly, “everything you do is either worthless or sadly amusing.”  Even the horror-comedy greats like Re-Animator and Young Frankenstein don’t have such sad, observant dialogue.  The thought put into this script (by Coscarelli, working from a short story by Joe R. Lansdale) would be enough on its own to make this a minor gem.

The other wonderful aspect of Ho-Tep is its biting sense of humor.  The concept of the film is unique: two supposedly dead icons battling an ancient evil.  The dialogue is such that you believe that Elvis is THE Elvis, and that the African-American Jack is really JFK (Jack explains this to Elvis by saying that the government dyed him to cover up the truth).  While sad, most of Elvis’s lines about old age and his health are extremely funny, and most of the time Jack sounds like a Kennedy assassination theorist.  Bubba Ho-Tep himself kills people and then sucks their souls from their buttocks.  He also writes graffiti on the walls of a toilet stall while, Jack theorizes, excreting the remains of the souls he has devoured.  Many of the film’s images share this bizarre sense of humor.  Early on, Elvis does battle with a mammoth cockroach, armed with a fork and a bedpan. And, near the end, we see Elvis in a glittery white “Elvis” suit, and Jack, dressed in a beautiful three piece suit riding in his wheel chair, doing the classic, slow motion The Right Stuff walk.  This film often can make one laugh out loud, making its perverse sense of humor is one of its greatest assets.

The magnificent casting of Bruce Campbell and Ossie Davis make this film a joyful experience.  Bruce Campbell, in full Elvis sideburns and a huge (prosthetic) belly, has the voice of The King down perfectly.  He even throws in a few “thank you, thank you very much”'s in to complete the disguise.  He walks the tight rope between parody and sincere characterization, and shows us an Elvis who is tired of life, just counting the days until he dies, and then finds new life in helping Jack defeat Bubba Ho-Tep.  We keep waiting for Campbell to go over the top and turn Elvis into Ash with sideburns, but he never comes close to puncturing his character.  Bubba Ho-Tep would be a lesser film without him.

Ossie Davis is also absolutely indispensable to the film.  Somehow, despite the absurdity of it all, he keeps us wondering if Jack is a senile old man or really JFK.  His room is covered with mockups of Dealey Plaza and photos of Lee Harvey Oswald and other possible conspirators.  Talking almost more like a Kennedy Assassination buff than a president, Davis slowly convinces us that he might actually be JFK by his total conviction and self-assuredness.  Not only does he deliver the funniest line in the film (Elvis:  “Look, man, President Johnson's dead.”  Jack:  “S**t. That ain't gonna stop him.”), but the smile on his face when he says “Wow” when reminiscing about Marylin Monroe is priceless.  He doesn’t speak like JFK, but I’m sure he’d tell us that that is all part of the cover up.  Ossie Davis, along with Campbell, makes Bubba Ho-Tep one of the funniest horror-comedies in some time.

The direction of Don Coscarelli is very good.  He effectively uses extended flashbacks to tell Elvis’s backstory. Further, by never leaving the rest home (except in flashbacks) he accentuates the sense of isolation felt by the elderly, abandoned characters.  While little of the film is actually frightening, he stages a scene with Bubba Ho-Tep walking the halls of the rest home in a very menacing manner, darkening the hall and shooting his walk in a sinister slow motion.  Coscarelli’s direction is not perfect, relying to often on quick cuts and sped up film, which is more often annoying than shocking  He also shows the briefest flashback of Bubba Ho-Tep’s origin, which weakens an already thin character.  Nevertheless, these flaws are minor, and Coscarelli does an enjoyable and professional job in the director’s chair, highlighting the film's many virtues.

Bubba Ho-Tep is a gem.  It combines a fantastic concept, savage humor, and unexpected depth in a way that has rarely been done before.  This is a film that cares deeply about its characters yet uses their tragic situations to make irreverent statements about aging and personal worth.  Coupled with two fabulous lead actors and a dynamic script,  Bubba Ho-Tep is a modern horror-comedy classic.

Eric Miller

The Return Of Count Yorga (1971)

Count Yorga continues to prey on the local community while living by a nearby orphanage. He also intends to take a new wife, while feeding his bevy of female vampires. 

He's back!!!  However we're not sure why or how.  Considering that he was killed in the first film. (Count Yorga, Vampire)  He shows up here with no explanation as to how he was resurrected.
  
The film features Robert Quarry returning as the infamous vampire Count Yorga, along with his servant Brudah. (Both of whom died in the previous film) To further complicate matters, actor Roger Perry, who had a lead role in the first film and was also killed off, appears in this film as a different character.  The lovely maiden that catches the Count's eye in this film is Mariette Hartley, whom I remember from The Incredible Hulk TV series in the classic episode "Married".  Unfortunately she's not dealing here with a simple puny super strong creature that can turn over cars.....she's dealing with bad ass mother fucking Count Yorga. 

Humor is certainly on display during the film and several times it caught me off guard and I chuckled out loud. For some reason the Count shows up at an orphanage costume party and loses the "Most Convincing Costume" award to some clown dressed as a vampire. And a priest phones a mute woman, Jennifer, to find out what's going on.  Huh? The same mute woman flies off the handle at one point and starts smacking this kid, Tommy, all in the face.  But the humor reaches it's crescendo with the two wise cracking cops at the climax of the film. 

Director Bob Kelijan actually does a pretty good job delivering some  creepy atmosphere with just a couple of locations and some unique shots. The vampire attack on the family is still a bit disturbing even 40 years later.  The film certainly didn't break any new ground in the vampire genre and has pretty much been forgotten or overlooked from the early 70's.  But on a slow Saturday night with a bag of microwave popcorn, you certainly could do worse for entertainment. At times you'll shake your head, such as when Yorga is chilling and watching an Italian speaking vampire movie, but overall it's a fun movie. I mean, how many other movies have their lead vampire trick a priest into sinking in quicksand.

Kevin Booker

When you see this coming at you.....that's your ass.

  Trivia:
The film that Yorga watches on television is Hammer Films' The Vampire Lovers.  A "foreign" language soundtrack has been added to this English-language film for this purpose.

Craig T. Nelson's film debut. 

This was the final film of George Macready, whose movie career had begun in 1942. His stage experience went all the way back to 1926. His son, Michael Macready, produced both "Count Yorga" films.

Quotes:

Mrs. Nelson: Where are your fangs?
Count Yorga: Where are your manners?

Rev. Thomas: At a time like this even Jesus Christ would fabricate his intentions.

Professor Rightstat: [having a senior moment] Yoga? Yoga? Oh, no,no,no,no,no, I don't believe in Yoga. Oh, sheer poppycock! Tried it once about 40 years ago. Got stuck in one of those locus positions. Took three men to unwind my body. Well, what's that got to do with vampires? You haven't read my book.

Rev. Thomas: [Rev. Thomas is sinking into the quicksand] You... you... you lead me to this, this was your purpose! In the name of God, man, please. You devil! You vampire! You never intended donating that money! You sick, tormented monster. You'll never get away with this.
[produces crucifix]
Rev. Thomas: There. There, you madman! How do you like that? *Gurgle* 

Apollo 18 (2011)

Let's Rock N' Roll

The film involves decades-old found footage from NASA's abandoned Apollo 18 mission, where two American astronauts were sent on a secret expedition and reveals the reason the U.S. has never returned to the moon.
     It's been almost 3 whole months since our last review.....but this film prompted me to launch myself to the computer and get a review out.  Ladies and Gents....this film reveals why the U.S. never returned to the moon.  That's right....small killer rocks that are alive ruined that shit for us.  I really can't put into words how much I was disappointed in this movie. I love found footage movies but this one had trouble. For one, it's hard to get heart pounding action with two guys bouncing around on the moon in slow motion trying to just walk.  And the characters actually weren't very likable. I actually like the idea and premise from this film but something is off and it seemed much longer than the 90 minutes it ran. In fact, all prints of this movie should be rocketed to the moon. And you can add your own jokes for some of the dialogue in the movie....see below

Nate: Get it out. It's so cold. Get it out, Ben. Get it out, get it out! Damn it Ben get it out!

Runnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

 A couple of things can be learned from this film though.  Aliens like to steal flags and if you are going on a top secret, hush, hush mission, take along a movie camera with enough film to record the entire trip. I am being a bit harsh but if you have other options to watch than I would recommend the other options. The film was directed by López-Gallego's and is his first English-language film.

Kevin Booker

Directed by	Gonzalo López-Gallego
Produced by	Timur Bekmambetov Ron Schmidt
Written by	Brian Miller
Starring	Warren Christie Lloyd Owen Ryan Robbins
Cinematography	José David Montero
Editing by	Patrick Lussier
Studio	Bazelevs
Distributed by	Dimension Films
Release date(s)	September 2, 2011
Country United States Language English Budget $5 million Box office $25,562,924
Trivia:

The opening scenes introducing the three main characters was the last stuff shot for the movie.

This film has no score.

This film was shot using old camera lenses from the 70s.